I'm NOT a mothering expert. I'm a dont-do-this mothering expert. Always learning by trial-and-error. I'm collecting "said-no-mother-ever" moments.
Here are my favorite tricks:
1. Overprepare. U think u need 4 wipes, "ask" your toddler to help by taking 7 out of container. It gives u a double reason to hit up Target. Because you ALWAYS need diapers. might as well add wipes to the list of your $300 non-urgent-get-me-into-adult-world-shopping spree…
2. Enjoy that $20/hr sitter… Your marriage will thank you. No additional comments needed.
3. Eat just that ONE bite after your kid. Those SO don't count towards your Weight Watchers points… said every mother. And tomorrow morning, that stroller class won't be difficult at all…
4. Bring that fouta with you. it will serve as protection against the sun on the beach (your kids look like casper but that sunscreen bottle is currently located one mile from you nestled in the car). It will serve to wipe the boogers, tears, and sticking hands… no one can possible imagine eating with their feet in the sand, only carrots in the sand, right. And it will also be used a butt-cover when your toddler blows out the only diaper you bought for your one-hour-outing.
5. Don't listen to anyone but that voice in your head. We all live by trial, and start your own list of tricks or do-not-do-this. AMAZE your friends by sharing it proudly.
6. Laugh about it and SHARE. There's no way you are the ONLY mom/wife/woman with that irrational fear, problem-child, or love issues. Let's drop this i-can-do-no-wrong, and embrace oh-you-gotta-hear-about-this.
I added ONE trick for those paying attention… Until next time.
