As it is my personal mission statement to re-live EVERY major-parenting-fail-moment, this must be shared. Better laugh at yourself by sharing stories, then cry alone. Hence i'm sharing… As our dear daughter is 1/4 French (mom is 1/2, dad is 0. that makes a 1/4 right. Oye I'm in trouble for 3rd grade math homework), she's pretty comfortable being naked and peeing anywhere…. What does that say about how i see french people. Bush, behind a tree, side of road (FAR from the road i promise), our yard, neighbor's yard… Quite the nudest we have. Issues for her to discuss later on with her friends (or therapist). Every kid does this right? Anyhow back to the story at hand, she can go what seems like DAYS without asking to pee, EXCEPT at the beach. Yes before someone diagnoses her with a syndrome, YES she does pee many times each day, BUT she just disappears and goes. She no longer announces with joy, "i need to pee". Well she announces it often, i just no longer need to dart for the bathroom (potty training is its own BEAST. all non-parents, this story may not be to your liking).
In her little brain, it's an engrained equation: feet-in-sand-miles-away-from-bathroom = pee. We had just moved to CA and trekking kids to the beach was weekly occurrence. Yes we LOVE the beach. Still. And i say trekking because the collection of crap needed for a smooth beach trip is mind-blowing. I get the wagon method. EXCEPT between car and water, there's 4 miles of sand, so hubby isn't into towing a semi to get to the ocean. ANYHOW on this particular day, trekking her BACK to the overwhelmingly NASTY bathroom on the Santa Monica boardwalk wasn't high on our list. As we are totally improvise-in-the-moment-parents, we say quietly, just pee in the ocean. She looks at us for a minute, and pauses. She refrains from speaking. She continues to stay silent (this NEVER happens), and walks away. She holds her head high. Her polka dot sunglasses firmly placed on her nose, and her beautifully-fitted-UV-hat settled on her head. her striped two-piece UV bathing suit ready for anything. And with her puddle-jumper securely attached (fanciest non-drwoning mechanism I've ever seen. google it. Clearly safety first), she marches towards the water. The beach is packed (apparently that's rare occurrence for CA beaches), she looks left, she looks right, and squats. SQUATS RIGHT BY THE WATER. Like feet from the water. Not in the water. And squats. Apparently we failed to demonstrate or fully discuss this… We thought, she got this. Apparently she did have it. Just not exactly in the water.... So as all good parents do, we did not interfere. And pretended she wasn't ours for a few minutes.
Stay tuned for what we improvised when she announced by SCREAMING "i need to caca"… That's for another day. Enjoy your weekend!
